So here I am alone in the room again. Just finished chitchatting with Mom and then that feeling of going back home again is starting to sink in..
How should I tell them that I wont be staying for so long anymore? And that I will be staying here for good?
The feeling sucks.
I have been making decisions on my own before but this one is totally different..
I’ll be away from the life I have always been used to..
But I guess it is just right.. It’s time to start with a clean slate and with a fresh start..
There are so many reasons behind why I am staying.. Part of it is too finally move on from hurt and from the dark past I had with you know who.. While I am in Cebu, it brings back the pain and the deep hurt..
I am not expecting anything at all in my stay here.. What I just wanted is to do excellent with my job here.. That is where I should start..
Time to spread my wings and explore even more.. on my own.. this time.. :)
I have been a risk taker. There is this adventure that I could not explain. Maybe it is the joy of knowing what I am capable of. Now this life changing decision will make a big difference this time.
Yes, 80-20. 80 percent of making it here and 20 percent of going back to my comfort zone. I have been deep thinking about this. I still have a lot of questions unanswered. Will i make it here? Am I ready for the change? These questions are always running through my mind. Sometimes I get sleepless thinking about all of these.
It has been four months and I am still indescisive about it. Maybe in the next few months or days I’d get to read this post again.. Hope I could smile reading this because i will be brave enough to take the risk.. or things would be the same and think that i was just being emotional.. or what I am scared of is having regrets of not taking it..
Oh well, i cried again because of this tough decision I have to make.. yet I am still undescisive…
Words like Dagger
It has been a year since the last time I read this. These were the words that melted my heart and had sunk into this mistake….
Eventually, Everybody will know about us, will talk about us, probably curse us or bless us, Withersoever it goest, its always good to know that they thought about this because we just love each other, and not that we are capable in doing this mistake. Let’s Hold on with each other, We can do this by avoiding unnecessary actions and misdoings, Im keeping you reminded with your behaviours, I’m not depriving you to do things you’re used to but If we can have that minimized, it would be a great help, keep trying. Right now we are still in stealth, but soon, we will be ready to let them know how we started and how weve gone so far in love which comprehend acceptable to them.
*akong buot pasabot ani. kung mahimong undangan na nimo imong laag og kiat, undangi, kay dako kaau nag makatabang nimo, kay sa gusto nato og dli, muabot jud ang panahon nga makabaw sila nato, wala ko kabaw kung annuled naba ko ana, or dedo na sa leah, or buhi pa sya, basta kay wala natay mabuhat para matago nato ni. gusto ko nga kung muabot nang panahona, ang mga tao nga nagtan.aw maka ingon nga: ” sabton nalang nato na sila, wla lang jud siguro ni uyon ang panahon nila, klaro man nga inlab kaau silang duha ” d ko gusto makadungog og storya ig abot sa panahon nga maka ingon sila nga kiat man lang sad jud agi anang melai, wa manay pili, patol raman sad na, humok man og ilong mao nang gamayng palami, sugot rasad dayon “
So i just finished this Book I was reading for the past two weeks. I ended up crying. Overwhelming emotions. or maybe I am just a die hard fan of “true love” and “happy endings”. LOL
It makes me sad that I have to start another yet fantasy of LOVE. That’s through reading romantic novels. I could not remember who influenced me to be engulfed with something like this.
Maybe because of the past. I never had a happy ending. I believe (and until now) It only happens in books and movies. Well, it happens in real life but I do not know with Me.. If this could happen to Me.. After all the bull crap that happened? Would it be worth it again to fall?..
Would it be worth it to take the risk of letting them know about the dark past I had? I doubt it..
If there could be somebody who’d be willing enough to be part of my world.. Then I think it will be worth it..
Would they be ready?
Would I be ready?…
Staying in Manila is making me paranoid of a lot of things..
One of it, is this..
I am in the verge of stumbling again..
And it’s taking the shit out of me..
Coz I do not want to..
Coz it will not make any sense at all..
Confused.. yet I am happy with just being like this..
There is just a part of that wanted me to stop this.. Coz I am already at the edge.. I might fall.. :(
I wish he could just tell me straight into my face to stop this bull crap and move on with our lives.. So I could just stop and then move forward.. I am used to it anyway.. I just do not want to be an “option” anymore.. coz I am tired and sick of it.. :(
Now I am on my fourth book to read.. Another Fantasy to Live.. At least this is a handful of happiness whenever I want to..
It’s been 3 months that I was away from home the longest time in my almost 27 years of existence. It was tough. Everyday I have to fight that feeling of being home sick. Missing my family and friends from Cebu is just something I have to cope everyday. I am enjoying my stay here though. This has been life changing. I got to meet new people, got to know new perception about life and how to deal with it. Well, it was not just about work that I’d get to enjoy with.
One of the many things that I am sure I won’t be forgetting is the Man i never though i could get to spend with. I thought doors are already closed for us. But with what is happening, it’s about to close again. I do not know but it seems like things would not work out well between us. I do not know what he is up to. i do not what his intentions are. I do not want chasing anymore. And i am tired of playing as the damsel in distress waiting for his prince to be saved. I am starting to keep my distance. Why? Because I am not again sure. I am afraid to fall. And be hurt again. I hate having heart aches knowing that I am away from home. I do not want to make tough decisions and be hurt in the ln the long run. *Sigh
I need distraction. I do not want this kind of dilemma. Work has been my priority here. So i should not be losing focus..
I am sad but I know I can get through this. If it’s meant to be, it will be….
It’s 5:50am in the morning.. Im about to prep for our strat plan meeting. This I will pour my heart and brain out.. That should I have to do here..
You are officially 25!! Happy Silver Years yeaterday yaks!! Labyu! Stay strong as you are and I know L will give you more blessings because of ur good heart. We may not spend that much of time for each other but i could see em all through your actions. God Bless you all through out your endeavors.. mwuah! 😘❤️
2nd Day. #PitSenyor #sinulog2014 #Hope (at Basilica Minore del Santo Niño)
My heart is ripped off of whats happening now in the Philippines. So many lost their loved ones because of nature’s wrath. The Filipinos did not expect that a Super Typhoon causing the storm surge could damage their homes and lose their loved ones. It crushed my heart. It made my tears rolling like water falls. We did not expect the worst. So saddening to see people crying helplessly as they see the dead bodies lying around the city. It suddenly struck me. I havent gotten enough sleep for a couple of days now. Thinking of thousands of lives that were taken. They did not ask for this. Who would? Who would ever want to see their loved ones dying. Who would ever want to lose somebody close to their hearts whom they have shared their whole lives with? It panged me so deep. It pained me. This is about life that were taken in a very wrathful way. And the people did not deserve it. intentions were not heed. The situation made this as a wake up call for me. And this has been the burden i have been carrying for a long period of time. I may sometimes forget it because of the sparkle that is attracting me to forget about it in a short time. But this?? Do I even deserve to live as well? 😔😔😔
I am still overwhelmed of what has been going on after I was left with unAnswered questions.
I may appear ok and getting by through it. Oh yes, I am working so hard to get through all the pain and forgetting that instant of falling and not being able to stand up, almost.
In random cases, i would suddenly remember the pain. And then shut my eyes, and then realize, i am again crying. Not because I still wanted the person who thought who could fought for me, but the feeling of betrayed and disrespected is still eminent with in me, with in each blood vains.
What I am thankful about is that I have leaped from the worst situation I had been.
I am back from scratch. Trying to fix everything. Trying, because I really do not know where to start.
I am starting to leave everything behind. Starting not to turn my back and not to fight what I thought was right.
I am more pleased if we could leave everything this way. Until such time i would forget that I had been through this.
No more lies, No more dark secrets to keep, No more denials, No more worries.. These are what I am thankful so much of Leaping to the new chapter I have opened.
Now I am ready to explore more of what I am capable of.. Be bigger than what I was..❤️👍😊
Girl Domination. #ootd #redlips